Penguins, Fish and a Lot of Insanity
by Lord Mist
Summary: What happens when four Kung-fu penguins meet up with Konoha and decide to adopt Uzumaki Naruto ? A whole load of insanity. Crackfic.
1. Chapter 1

The angry mob consisting of the villagers of Konohagakure no Sato had finally cornered the "Kyuubi Brat", Uzumaki Naruto, in a dead end alley.

With repeated shouts of "Die Demon !" [ Generally, mobs of insensible villagers are not known for their originality. I defy any of you to give me an example that contradicts this. ] the mob set upon the whimpering child with sticks and stones, when suddenly, a bright flash of light appeared between them, and four….things…..appeared.

"Well boys, this doesn't seem like Antarctica." Said one.

"Skipper, I told you it wouldn't work.."

"Kowalski ! What went wrong ?"

"I don't know, Skipper." Replied the tallest. "Perhaps I should have recalibrated the sphygmometer."

"Skipper?"

"Yes, Private?"

"There are humans here, Skipper. "

The Skipper looked around. " Smile and wave, boys. Just smile and wave."

The four began smiling at the mob and waving their… flippers.

The mob, was, at this point definitely confused. To have four talking penguins pop out of thin air and argue with each other was not something they were prepared for. All they wanted was a quiet evening trashing the Kyuubi brat, and now it had become congested with penguins. What was a self-respecting mob to do nowadays ?

When the penguins began waving, the mob decided to ignore them – well, as much as four smiling penguins can be ignored – and set upon the boy.

They had just thrown the first stone, when the penguins broke out again.

"Skipper ! They're beating up a kid !"

"We can't have that now, can we boys ? Rico ! Tools !"

A penguin, whose name apparently was Rico, regurgitated out eight salmon, a microwave oven, an old boot, and a mechanical chimney cleaner. The mob at this point were beginning to wonder whether the penguin had a separate pocket dimension in its stomach.

Meanwhile, the four each picked up two salmon, and with a wild cry, set upon the villagers.

When the Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, appeared at the latest scene of the villagers, he was rather surprised to find four penguins petting a bleeding Naruto while the mob lay unconscious on the ground.

He could just feel in his bones that it was going to be a long day.

Later in his office, Sarutobi found his intitial assumption proved right.

"So, let me get this straight. You're penguins, from a different dimension. You wanted to travel to a place called Antarctica, but ended up here due to a fault in the machine. "

"Exactly, you old coot." Said Skipper.

The ANBU in the room tensed, but were knocked down by a bicycle regurgitated by Rico.

Sarutobi stared at the bicycle and then at the penguins. "Kai."

Nothing happened.

He began banging his head on the desk.


	2. Salmon Showers

Thank you, Fayneir and fanbasher. ^.^

And wow, 51 views. I know its not much compared to what everyone else gets, but its still my highest xD

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When Uzumaki Naruto woke up from his unconsciousness, his wounds healed due to the furball [ Kyuubi ] that lived inside him, what he saw was Ojii-san and four..birds that were talking to him.

Wait. Talking ? Naruto fainted .

When he woke up, he found the birds peering at him, and the Hokage smiling. Naruto got up.

"Jiji ? Who are these birds ?"

"Naruto-kun, they are penguins. They want to adopt you."

Naruto stared. He always wanted to be adopted, but to be adopted by four birds ? Not exactly the usual run-of-the-mill adoption.

"Yeah, kid. We're gonna teach you to be a penguin." Said Skipper.

"Jiji-san ? How are they talking ?"

"They are special,Naruto-kun. "

"Yay ! Thank you, bird-san ! " And with that, Naruto jumped onto Skipper, who collapsed under the weight.

"Private ! Do I hear you laughing ?"

"N-No, sir !"

"Good."

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And so, a new chapter in the life of Uzumaki Naruto began, as he stepped into the Academy.

Six long years he had spent, training in Salmon-Fu with the penguins, and learning to be the most kick-ass penguin warrior ever.

Now if he could only figure out how to get the penguins to help him in battles…Hmm….

As he sat down, he reflected on the training he had received.

" _Six laps around Konoha, Fishcake !"_

"_My name means Maelstrom !"_

"_I don't care even if it means Lollipop, get running Fishcake !"_

_As he ran, he would get pelted with salmon if he slowed down, pelted with salmon if he ran too fast, and pelted with salmon if he gave up running. Naruto often wondered where they got all the salmon from._

_Next came his learning of Salmon-Fu._

_He had often whacked himself on the face with salmon, and then wandered around the city, bruised face and smelling of fish, only to be assaulted by hordes of four legged monsters otherwise known as cats._

_After that came his "general education" on using anything as a weapon, and acting all cute and harmless to attract his enemy closer. Naruto had protested that he wasn't a penguin, but then received a salmon to the face and stopped._

He watched as the Academy Teacher came in…


End file.
